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Elyssa Matthews | |
“My life is the story of the self-realization of the unconscious.
Everything in the unconscious seeks outward manifestation, and the personality too desires to evolve out of its unconscious conditions and to experience itself as a whole.” (C. G. Jung) |
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One of my earliest memories is a feeling of familiarity. I was here once again and there was nothing new in the return: I knew what it was like to be a child, but I also knew what it was like to be a grown-up, a mother, an old man…So having to go through childhood one more time did not amuse me. Still, I was curious. I knew what it was like to be Me, but I was equally fascinated by the Other. One day, a few years ago, my then four-year old nephew reminded me of this early feeling of curiosity. As he was playing in the kitchen, close to his mother, he suddenly looked up and asked, “Mom, what’s it like being you?” This was the same question that I had used to ask inwardly as a child. This question still arises in me with each new person that I meet. My favorite pastime as a child was sitting and watching. I’m still learning how to do both. I sit with and I watch my own unfoldment and the unfoldment of the world in all its beauty and all its suffering. It was in those early childhood days, however, that I first discovered “The Watcher”. Another childhood pastime involved long conversations with a hydro pole to “whom” I referred as “The Director”. “The Director” must have been a good listener and perhaps had interesting things to say for I would often be found in his company. It was then I started to become both The Watcher and The Watched. My life has been the story of the interaction between the two. | ||
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When I was 26, I began to wonder what to do with my life. The answer eventually came in a dream in which a voice (The Director’s?) simply said: “Your purpose in life is to address others.” “And how am I to do that?”, “Well… remember the time when you wanted to be an actress, or a writer? Those are ways to address others.”, “What about becoming a teacher?”, “Hmm, yeah… that will do it, too.” So I did. I became a teacher. I have been teaching high school for 16 years and Reiki for 5. Some of my first Reiki students came from among my high school students. The Voice made itself heard in one other dream I had around the same time. It said, “Your purpose is to reconcile the opposites.” That and nothing else. This message baffled me at the time and continued to elude me for years. |
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My life has been a training ground and I’m still learning how to actualize my soul matrix. My date of birth adds up to 30. According to Dan Millman, 30 is the number of “expression and sensitivity with inner gifts.” “30’s tend to use expressiveness, inspired communication, inner strength, and intuition to encourage, uplift, and inspire others. They tend to choose to be writers, teachers, lecturers, healers, counselors, performers, or take on any other role that reminds people of the feeling side of their lives. Their intuitive intelligence cuts to the heart of some of life’s core issues and they also do well in any field that involves clear logic and reason.” My teaching practice and my personal life have supported the development of some of these qualities. Other abilities, I am still learning how to bring to the surface. And as I address my students, my loved ones, and my friends, I do find joy in the possibility of moving them, perhaps to action, to change, to peace, to happiness… African wisdom suggests that my element is earth. Earth people are concerned with the well-being of others. They want everyone to be happy, healthy, respected, nurtured, and well-fed. Jungian analysis places me half way between thinking and feeling, half-way between introversion and extraversion. In terms of True Colours, I am equally green and blue. My Ray is the 4th Ray of Harmony through Conflict, ruled by the Moon and Mercury. I value balance, reconciliation, and harmony and I continue to look for skillful means “to light a candle, rather than curse the darkness”. Astrologically, I share with Usui Sensei both the date of birth (August 15) and the influences of the Gemini-Moon. Our astrological charts converge in the areas of high-minded ideals, luck, inspiration, organizational skills, loyalty, curiosity, communication… On the other hand, it would seem that neither of us has been a stranger to impatience, anger, or the liabilites of an overactive nervous system… | |||
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Life has not been always easy or fun, but it has been gradually becoming more effortless, more clear and simple. Some of my difficulties have been some of my greatest stepping stones and some of my gifts my hardest challenges. Periods of confusion have led to greater clarity, imbalances to new wholeness, grief to joy, and everything together to the continuing opening of the heart. Thus the lesson has emerged luminous again: Samsara is Nirvana; one’s passions are enlightenment; every day life is the Way. And throughout it all, I have always been aware of the Watcher and the Watched, the Director and the Actor, the I and the Other, and the need to reconcile the opposites and to recognize the oneness of all. This awareness and this need continue to guide the flow and the unfoldment of my life.
Toronto, April 2006 |
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